How to Start A Men's/Women's Group

How to Start a Men's/Women's Group

Sometimes a community will meet for months and just not feel the strength of deep, connected relationships.

This lack of relational momentum can be really discouraging and so we’re going to share a progression of steps that will vastly accelerate the process of deepening relationships.

Step 1: Form men's and women's groups.

For whatever reason most men and women are a lot more comfortable being vulnerable and going deep in relationship in these same-sex groups.

You can make these groups weekly, every other week or monthly but obviously the more frequently the quicker this process will go.

Step 2: Make the experience fun and enjoyable.

We like our mens and womens group to start with an activity to get people comfortable with one another.

Step 3 - Explain the "why" behind the group. Talk about the importance of friendship, connection and vulnerability.

Step 4 - Ask and discuss deep questions

There are many ways to do this.

  • Ask a personal question and have one person per get-together answer it until everyone has had a chance.
    • Describe your spiritual journey.
    • Where do you feel strong as a father/mother and where do you feel weak?
  • Ask the group a deep question and go around the circle.
    • How would you describe this season of your family’s life?
    • On a scale of 1-10, how is your walk with God and why? 
  • Bring up a topic usually centered around a question.
    • Why is sexual purity such a challenge for men and what has helped you most in this struggle?
    • Why is balance in motherhood such a challenge and what has helped you most in this struggle?

These kinds of groups can allow us to get into deep relationships quick. If you launch a men's or women's group then here are some tips and ideas to make the most of it.

Delegate responsibilities

Planning activities, snacks and drinks, explaining the why and coming up with the topic or question of the night all takes work.

  1. If you have a few guys or gals who are committed to the group, begin to delegate some of those responsibilities to help them feel a sense of ownership over the group and to make the whole experience more sustainable.
  2. Gather a core group of committed folks and remind each other to send out invites to new guys/gals you want to connect with a few days before a get together.
  3. If someone starts to come take them out to coffee, get to know them personally and ask if they want to join the group and commit to coming, inviting others, and helping to run the group. They will appreciate this and it will make them feel like they belong to something.
  4. Lead the way in being vulnerable. You probably feel the most comfortable since you know those involved so you will likely set the tone for how vulnerable the group is going to get.
  5. Encourage being pastoral in-between groups. We like to have a WhatsApp group for prayer requests, words of encouragement etc.
  6. Pray over those with serious needs.
  7. 1x a year do an overnight event. This will vastly accelerate the process. You can take a deep question and over the course of the weekend have everyone share. Even just a 24 hour retreat is really sufficient and most people can make that happen.

Give this strategy some time, but 6 months into this group you’ll notice deep connections and friendships develop that will be the bedrock for your community building efforts.

Need some coaching?

We'd love to to provide coaching for your household and help you on your journey toward seeing a healthy kingdom community emerge in your home.

Check out our coaching intensive, A House For Community for more information and to apply!

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